UNCONTROLLED SUBSTANCE

You Can Dance If You Want To

If Santa Answered His Mail Honestly‏…

 

 

 

 

Dear Santa
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer
Yer Frend,
BiLLY

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You’re on your way to a career in lawn care. How about
I send you a friggin book so you can learn to read and write? I’m
giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah


Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn’t they?
Santa

Dear Santa,
I don’t know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I’d like for my
mommy and daddy to get back together. . Please see what you can do.
Love,Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad’s banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
hurricane.  Do you think he’s gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom,
who rides his ass constantly? It’s time to give up that dream. Let me get  you some nice Legos instead.
Santa

Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G. I. Joes, a dog, a
drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love,Francis


Dear Francis,
Who names their kid “Francis” nowadays? I bet you’re gay.
Santa

Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree and I left carrots for
your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan


Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when
riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch. . .
Santa

Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE,
could I have one? ? ?
Timmy

Timmy,
That whiney-ass begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap
doesn’t work with me. You’re getting a sweater, AGAIN ! ! ! !
Santa

Dearest Santa,
We don’t have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky


Mark,
First, stop calling yourself “Marky”; that’s why you’re getting your
ass whipped at school. Second, you don’t live in a house, you live in
a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like
all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa

 


Single Post Navigation

What da ya think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: