You Can Dance If You Want To

About This Place

Uncontrolled Substance is your exclusive destination for an abundance of peculiar posts that could very well make you smile, ponder and laugh. Designed to fill in the blanks between reality and showcase meaningful lunacy to distract you (if even briefly) from working too hard. Occasionally, snot may fly out your nose and you may even pee your pants a little. All in good fun! 🙂

The site is powered by the snack breaks, revelations and random thoughts of host Steve Ferrante.

Highlights from the upcoming unauthorized biography, Steve:

When Steve was born he was quite small. So small in fact that people would carry him around. Taking advantage of this, Steve quickly honed his skills as a ventriloquist assistant and by the age of 1 was headlining inside the dummy for world-famous ventriloquist Paul Winchell.

Photo circa 1968. Steve is the one on the left.

Steve spent most of 1972 at Abbey Road Studios in London with the progressive rock band Pink Floyd, recording synthesizers and honing the sonic aspects on their ground-breaking album Dark Side of the Moon.

Steve’s acting career began in 1973 as a stand in on the popular television program, The Partridge Family.  He is also credited with designing the zany paint scheme on the family tour bus.

Bored with traditional puzzles, Steve also invented the 3-D mechanical puzzle that later became known as Rubik’s Cube that year.

In 1976 Steve was sure the world had gone to the crapper when Rick Dees released the horrifying harmony that is Disco Duck. Steve’s popular petition to hunt down, beat and burn Rick Dees to death was denied by the State of Massachusetts.

After a brief stint as Dee’s white friend on ABC’s hit show What’s Happening!!,  Steve left the network to make special guest appearances as “Tooties” puppy-love interest on NBC’s The Facts of Life.

In his late teens, Steve replaced an entire ensemble as the tightrope walking, juggling lion-tamer fire-breather elephant rider in New England’s Big Top Circus.

A master of air drums, Steve toured with the Canadian rock band Rush on their 1982 Moving Pictures album tour as a practice coach for lead drummer Neil Peart.

In 1985, Steve passed on the lead role of “Marty” in the to-be blockbuster Back to the Future, choosing instead to enter the World Table Tennis Tournament in Seoul, Korea where he defeated Wu Wen-Chia from Chinese Taipei for the championship in straight sets earning him the title “lightning balls”.

At the Summer Olympic Games in 1992, Steve won the gold medal in synchronized swimming singles competition after completing 7 consecutive “eggbeater kicks”, a record that has yet to be surpassed.

In 1995, Steve’s well-known Latin vibe and freestyle dance moves inspired the international sensation, “The Macarena”.

In 1998, Steve’s community theater play Intercourse Town was adapted by HBO for their new comedy-drama series Sex and the City.

In 1999, Steve designed a more “playful” look for Jennifer Aniston’s character on NBC’s hit show Friends. “The Rachel” hairstyle became a cultural phenomenon and was quickly copied around the world.

In 2001, Steve played Angelina Jolie’s stunt double in the highest-grossing film adaptation of a video game ever released: Lara Croft: Tomb Raider.

In 2005, after bearing witness to Steve’s new wardrobe enhancements and outlandish stage style, Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta re-engineered herself to become Lady Gaga.

Time Magazine. October 2007

In May 2011 Steve led the U.S. elite counter-terrorism troop raid on the compound identified by the CIA as bin Laden’s hideout, killing the notorious leader of global terrorism with what witnesses would later describe as a “Hong Kong Phooey Kung Fu chop.”

Steve also has a day job as a professional sales/customer service trainer, public speaker and writer. Visit his other blog @ pinnacleperformancechampions.org

You can send Steve a message at sferra33@gmail.com

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